Offering It Up

My introduction to yoga was by my friend, her VCR, and a Baron Baptiste video. It was at the time of Madonna's publicized yoga craze, and rumor had it that Baron was her teacher! I happily sun saluted along to his power yoga in my living room until I became pregnant and joined my first group yoga class with a real live teacher. This was 1997.

It was one of the first times I was encouraged to sit with my self and my (changing) body. Guided to learn and listen to all that it had to offer. After years of intellectual schooling this was a novel approach. It was very different than going to the gym and working myself into a disconnected sweat, mind miles away from my body. And what a beautiful and fun way to interact with my developing baby: kick to the ribs, "Oh, you don't like the wheel pose huh?"

Just months after the healthy homebirth of my daughter I started to experience anxiety. I needed to put in a little self-care time and I signed myself up for the weekly Hatha class at my community centre. This class was like the life preserver thrown to a struggling swimmer. I became acquainted with my breath, the same breath I had shared my entire life with but had never given much notice. This breath was the key to calming my anxiety, and eventually the key that opened the door to self-awareness and growth. Not to mention the discovery that hanging out with my head below my heart was just the tonic for my high-strung nervous system.

Over the next 5, 6, 7 years I practiced yoga at a variety of different places, with many teachers and styles sampled. Yoga had become a staple in my life. There were definitely certain styles, and teachers that spoke to me more than others. Yoga started to feel like home. The place where "the divine" could be the lake and stars, my breath and body my compass, my mind quiet and present. It was here that I would cry (into my well worn mat) hours after being diagnosed with cancer. And it was in this place that I continued my grounding practice of yoga during those hard days. Most of the time I felt like my head was going to spin off my shoulders with overwhelm and it was here that I could again come into the present moment and realize that I was actually OK.

I soon after had surgery and following a period of rest returned to a gentle class led by a teacher I trusted and had worked with previously. She guided me through a modified practice (hello scar tissue!) in a group setting. Next I sought out one of my favorite teachers, excited to return to my old practice. She opened the class by dedicating it to a student of hers that had just passed away from cancer. It was a really heavy practice for me that day, but one that reaffirmed my desire to combine my love of yoga and life experiences in order to offer tools and support to others.

I decided to train as a yoga teacher and completed the teacher training at The Yoga Sanctuary where we studied the Ashtanga Primary Series and Hatha Yoga.

One of the communities I wanted to share my new skills with was my own. As a member of the queer community, with a trans partner, I was well aware of the barriers in accessing yoga classes for some members of my community. Soon after graduation I sought out a studio in which to hold a weekly Queer and Trans yoga class. One of my primary goals was to create a space that would allow more of my community to practice yoga comfortably and safely. Some of my considerations in facilitating this are ensuring there are accessible bathrooms and change areas in the spaces where I teach. I like a studio where I can register and welcome the students myself. In my own study of yoga I don't embrace generalizations about male vs. female flexibility and strength. This translates into my teaching style, along with an awareness that chooses anatomically neutral cues when leading a class, which includes my prenatal yoga. I do my best to provide an open supportive space for individuals of all levels to access. No assumptions are made, and the learning passes both ways between instructor and student. When a student thanks me, affirming that they can be open in all elements of their practice in this environment, I feel that I am on the right path as an instructor.

I love to use non-traditional yoga music to support the flow in my classes. I focus on the breath as a gateway between mind and body, and use our breath to facilitate both movement and stillness. I feel like a broken record sometimes encouraging my students to bring their minds back to their bodies by following their breath. Directing them to use their breath to work through and release resistance, both physical and emotional. To become familiar with their own breath so that they can access this ever present tool when they need to. I also encourage laughter and humor in our group classes. Partner poses are great for this, as well as providing a means for connection and support. Ultimately each student is their own best teacher, knowing what works for them and what doesn't on any given day. My role is to guide them through these discoveries.

Yoga has provided me with wonderful opportunities to share time and raise funds for causes and communities that are close to my heart while doing something I love. I have gotten bendy for breast cancer research, the Society for Schizophrenia, and the Toronto Wildlife Centre. I have also had the opportunity to teach yoga at the Weekend to End Breast Cancer, and lead an animal pose yoga class with a trans youth group.

Ultimately yoga has become a way of life that has supported me through many important events, and all of the days in between. Studying yoga is a life long journey that I am very, very happy to be on.

I am currently studying classical yoga and its therapeutic applications for individual students at Yoga Therapy Toronto with incredible teachers and mentors Felicia and Ante Pavlovic. I teach a weekly Queer and Trans yoga class at the lovely RainbowBody Yoga studio, and a monthly prenatal class for clients of the Midwives Collective of Toronto (midwivescollective [at] bellnet [dot] ca). You can reach me at yoga_hd [at] hotmail [dot] com or visit my profile for more information.